Audio By Carbonatix
It’s no Nancy-Grace-in-a-parking-lot level of suspense, but the fine Wisconsin judicial system has determined the fate of Gerard Streator, who might have gotten away with al fresco furniture-humpin’ last fall if an off-duty cop hadn’t been walking past at the time and seen the thrusting.
Officer Ryan Edwards initially thought there was another person in the sofa-manwich, but when Streator jumped up and ran away, Edwards was able to observe that only one human being had been involved, as well as a clear view of Streator’s erect penis, according to London’s The Daily Mirror — and the more naked and aroused your genitals are in general, the worse your defense against a charge of public lewdness.
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You know this shit happens all the time, and the weird part is seeing it carried through all the way to the penalty phase. When a man loves some furniture but can’t maintain a fulfilling relationship with an upholstered honey that has a place of its own, it’s just sad to think of him out there hooking up with any old broken-down piece of casual seating on the street corner.
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Streator, a 47-year-old hotel worker, pleaded guilty on Monday and was handed a five-month suspended jail sentence, a $243 fine to cover court costs, and a year of probation during which he may not possess any pornography. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a man who needs no pornography, God bless him.
