I have a major crush on a worker with the Mexican Consulate aquí en Tucson. But I fear that, like two star-crossed lovers, were destined for doom. Im a gabacha yaktivist and against governments in general. He represents the PAN or PRD or PRI or whatever Mexican political party happens…
As a kid, I grew up with Mexicans who stole things just to steal. As an adult, I see much of the same behavior from adult Mexicans and their children. And I don’t mean just the poor Mexicans. Why is it in their nature for Mexicans to steal? Larcenous Lester…
Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger keep putting his foot in his mouth and talking smack about Mexicans? To my understanding, his wife Maria is of Mexican descent. He’s not only humiliating nuestra raza, but his wife, too. Please give the readers and me some input on the Governator. Deep Sea Angler…
Dear readers: Mucho comments about my February 1 column regarding the metamorphosis of Mexican names into seemingly wacky nicknames — Nini from Alejandrina, for instance, or Chely from Araceli. I argued such changes occurred thanks to linguistic laws; some of you had other theories. Here are the best: Here’s what…
Dear Readers: Gracias to all of ustedes who submitted pictures for my racist Mexican restaurant logo contest — they were all muy bueno. Winners will be announced in a couple of weeks. In the meanwhile, say a spicy bienvenidos to readers of Las Vegas CityLife, the latest paper to carry…
How do Mexicans get such ridiculous nicknames from seemingly normal names? For instance, Jos becomes Chepe, Eduardo is Lalo, Gabriel becomes Gabi, and Guillermo devolves into Memo. It’s Marcela, not Chela I want to know why Mexicans have such incongruous nicknames. In English, people have nicknames that have some relation…
This November, a trusted employee of mine came out about his status as an illegal immigrant. Our big-box retail conglomerate’s policy clearly spells out the termination of my employment should I fail to report such an offense, but I love the mojado to death. He’s loyal, punctual, and works all…
I’m a 60-year-old Chicano and proud. Why do young Chicanos keep imitating blacks? They dress like blacks, talk like blacks, listen to black music, and hang with blacks. Aren’t they proud of their own culture? Why don’t they embrace Hispanic ways and learn about Hispanic history? Say It Loud! I’m…
Why do non-Mexicans consider it a compliment when they tell Mexicans they don’t look Mexican? I am 100 percent Mexican — 5’7″, with black hair, brown eyes and olive skin — and ever since I left my hometown of El Paso, I’ve been subject to this backhanded compliment. No Soy…
Dear Readers: Bienvenidos to 2007, a year I promise will bring even more Mexicans across our nation’s borders! And a bienvenidos to Salt Lake City Weekly, the latest member of the Mexican’s family (note to weak-kneed publishers: If a rag in Utah can run this column, why can’t yours?). As…
The Mexican is currently inside a trunk trying to sneak back into the United States after the Christmas holiday. Meanwhile, here are some oldies-but-goldies: A friend of mine calls Mexicans “wabs” but, being a menso, doesn’t even know what it means — except that it’s not P.C. What’s it mean?…
I’m a Spanish-language student struggling with tenses and the gender of nouns. The other day, some friends and I were discussing street slang, and the word verga (penis) came up (no pun intended). It occurred to me that the definitive symbol of masculinity ends in the feminine “-a.” What’s up…
It seems that whenever Chicano professors want to show off their mexicanidad, they wear a guayabera. In fact, I saw a picture of you in the Los Angeles Times donning the shirt, along with Dickies pants and Converse All Stars. How trite and bourgeois! You go to a cafe or…
I was flipping through my television when I noticed the Spanish-language channel showed a man in a red suit with yellow pants, antennae on his head, and a heart with the letters “CH” on his chest. It appeared to be a sitcom, and all the characters related to the insect…
Dear Readers: Many kind, drunken words from ustedes regarding my November 16 column proclaiming Mexicans and Irish “brothers in depravity.” Let’s start with a wab: Man, did you make me laugh with “leprecanos.” I never had more fun on Cinco de Mayo than I did in 1974 in a Cambridge,…
Can you tell me the meaning of the word “aguacate”? All I know about this delicious fruit is that it originated on this continent. Guacamole Man Dear Gabacho: “Aguacate” is the Spanish word for avocado, but its Nahuatl meaning is more rustic: balls. According to Ana María de Benítez’s 1974…
My fiancé is trying to learn Spanish so he can speak to my grandmother when we get married next month. Lately, he’s been listening to CNN en Español to get an ear for the language. A couple of days ago, he told me that, after several weeks of seeing the…
Not long ago, I attended a Los Tigres del Norte concert at a small hall with no dance floor. The people attending were supposed to sit down and enjoy the music. Five minutes into the music, these jumping beans started dancing in the aisle. Within minutes, half of the attendees…
A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go down on their ladies. I don’t believe that. Can you “spread” some light on the subject? El Gabacho Guapo Dear Handsome Gabacho: Let me penetrate the thrust of your friend’s argument by referring her to…
A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go down on their ladies. I don’t believe that. Can you “spread” some light on the subject? El Gabacho Guapo Dear Handsome Gabacho: Let me penetrate the thrust of your friend’s argument by referring her to…
It’s hard out here for a brotha! First, we had to deal with those pieces of shit called the KKK and their supporters. Now we have to deal with the freakin’ Mexican invasion. Now I see why whites fretted over seeing their neighborhoods turn dark when Cleophus and LaKeisha moved…
Whenever I hear people whistling at each other across the street to communicate, it hardly ever seems to be a gabacho, African-American, or Asian — it’s always a Mexican. Is it illegal in Mexico to yell out words too loudly, and whistling is a loophole in the law? Or does…
