Say “pool party” to any woman and you’ll notice a slight quickening of the pulse as her underarms begin to moisten. Ever since middle school, when pool parties suddenly turned from games of Marco Polo to contests of puberty’s progress, those words enter into a woman’s neurotic mind and get…

Calling all bros, duders, and anyone who’s ever puked for sport: The World Series of Beer Pong is coming to Tempe. This, being the perfect opportunity to prove your ultimate bro-ness, is what you went to college for. So round up your best drunkard pals and enter your team for…

The longest span of any American’s life is from age 18 to 21. You’re old enough to vote, own property, and carry a firearm, but you don’t have the right to get shitty drunk at a bar? Brutal. Of course, everyone in the age range is boozing it on the…

It’s pretty obvious when summer’s come to town. Just look at the children. They’ve spent about a million hours reenacting The Little Mermaid and Finding Nemo in the backyard pool, so their hair is completely bleached out and their eyes are all bloodshot. Instead of looking like Disney characters, they…

Your auto-obsessed husband takes better care of his ride than of the kids. He gives the four-wheeled beast quality time, regularly bathes his “baby,” and whips out pictures of the ride to show his friends. Meanwhile, the kids miss their daddy, run around with dirty hair, and aren’t allowed to…

Bust out your capes and fangs. It’s vampire time, baby. No, we’re not talking about Halloween or some teenage goth event. We’re speaking of the transformation every Phoenician goes through during the summer months. We avoid the sun, socialize in the evening hours, and sleep during the day whenever possible…

We’ll name three items and you say the first thing that comes to mind. Cowboy hat, the smell of manure, a clown. First traumatic birthday party? Uh, we were thinking “rodeo,” but we’ll accept it. How about fairy wings, body glitter, and ring pops? Successful educated guessers should check out…

Beer o’clock at 2 a.m. At first, everyone went ape shit about that glorious extra hour to get hammered, but all that really happened was a collective reset of our partying clocks. Instead of showing up at 10 p.m., you now cruise in at 11. The next day, your lousy…

There are certain things that make for a good night. Finding the hottest party in town, maintaining a lack of mascara globs throughout the evening, and successfully averting visible panty lines. Throw in a casual hookup without catching an STD and, baby, you’re good. But what makes for the best…

You win a jillion dollars in the lottery. First order of business? 48-hour bender of cocaine and hookers, of course. But, after that, you want to invest in something that has sustainable value. So you shell out for a Van Gogh. Safe investment, right? Maybe not. Check out Phoenix Art…

Remember when moving was cause for celebration? Well, housewarming parties and gifts of crappy potpourri are a thing of the past. And since everyone seems to be putting off marriage and kids for as long as possible these days, we live like nomads – dragging our hand-me-down futons from one…

Academicians aren’t exactly known for their partying skills. For example, if you’re the parent of a nerd and you go out of town, here’s the worst-case scenario: Your house gets trashed, but instead of empty pizza boxes, there are algebra books left open all over the floor. The recycle bin’s…