15 Gruesome Ways to Leave Your Lover in Arizona

There must be 50 ways to leave your lover, goes the old Paul Simon tune, but most of them do not involve murder, mayhem, and the occasional car bomb. Here are 15 that we do not recommend you imitate, performed in various violent ways over the years by Arizonans.  …

Joe Arpaio’s MCSO Kills Starving Horse, Arrests Owner

Those familiar with the history of the Vietnam War may recall that infamous line reputedly uttered by a U.S. Army major about the bombed-out South Vietnamese city of Ben Tre, to the effect that American forces had to “destroy the town in order to save it.” Same could be said…

The 10 Things Joe Arpaio Might Say to Pope Francis in Mexico

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio says he wants to meet Pope Francis while the pontiff is in Mexico for the next five days. Initially, he told the press that what he wanted to speak to the pope about was “confidential.” A day later, he grew a little bolder, telling local media…

Horse Herpes Won’t Stop Races at Turf Paradise

Turf Paradise remains open for business, despite a suspected case of equine herpes virus that has resulted in Arizona officials issuing a 21-day quarantine for the popular West Phoenix track. On Thursday, the Arizona Department of Agriculture announced that it had imposed a quarantine on horses going in or out…

Neo-Nazi Oi Fest Returns to Tonopah, Arizona

Been jonesing for some slam-dancing, rampant sieg heil-ing, and sweaty camaraderie with fellow racist, white-pride skinheads? Well, look no further than deepest, darkest Tonopah, where in past years local white nationalists have held the Arizona Oi Fest, an ofay-supremacist celebration of punk’s lumpen musical cousin, which is known by the Cockney exclamation,…

Joe Arpaio’s Top Flack, Lisa Allen, Resigning February 2

You could call it the end of an era. The woman who for the past 23 years has served as Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s top flack, spin guru Lisa Allen, is resigning from the MCSO effective February 2. In an e-mail exchange with New Times, Allen confirmed her resignation, saying she’s…