KING OF PAIN This cantankerous coot’s cranium’s been throbbin’ with irony-overload watching Sheriff “Nickel Bag” Joe Arpaio crown himself Maricopa County’s anti-corruption czar, with aid and comfort from our wing-nutty County Attorney Candy Thomas. The hypocritical hosers have formed a partnership they call MACE (Maricopa County Anti-Corruption Enforcement), which has…
Michael Apelt is a scammer of the first degree. Apelt arrived in the United States from his native Germany in 1988. He was 25. In four short months, he flim-flammed more people than many con men do in a lifetime. He never studied English in school, yet expressed himself well…
ARBORING TERROR? Send the man packing: How can this guy still be in the United States after all of this? (“The Algiers Connection,” Ray Stern, April 12.) It’s unbelievable! If Sofiane Laimeche is not a terrorist, as he claims, he certainly seems to have connections to them. The tone of…
Dear Readers: The Reconquista has arrived! On Tuesday, May 1, Ask a Mexican! comes out in book form, gracias to the literary madmen at Scribner. Expect more of the same, but más: more essays, more illustrations from Mark Dancey (the gabacho who created this column’s logo), and more questions. Below…
On a quiet morning in early January, Kathryn Milun sits at a table in the back corner of a Tempe coffee shop, hunched over a huge stack of papers. Not long ago, that stack might have held papers to grade. Milun used to be a popular professor at ASU. But…
Forgottensoul88: The face of hate never looked so cute. White-trash pinheads who dig Adolf Hitler, swastikas, and worshippin’ Wotan now have a place to let their fascist freak flags fly without worrying about what Zionists and race-mixers have to say. It’s called Newsaxon.com, a racist MySpace, with nearly 2,000 members…
New butt-buddy to the 9/11 moonbats? Um, not yet, anyway… It’s been a while since I’ve heard from my ol’ pal Sander Hicks, who has the distinction of being one of the more intelligent and (generally) reasonable 9/11 troofers that I met at the Chandler 9/11 Accountability Conference, though I…
Jeez, J.D., eat something for Chrissakes, you look like an ofay Star Jones! I was monitoring Barry “Gee, I wish I was still” Young this morn on KFYI 550 AM, and I heard a familiar Foghorn Leghorn type-a voice, and soon realized it was my old bud from NC, the…
“With the people’s David in the race, we’re going to slay the Phil-istine giant,” the Reverend Jarrett Maupin II informed this cynical sandgrouse, referring to his just-announced campaign against Phoenix Mayor Phil “Goober” Gordon, the cash-bloated Goliath to Maupin’s slingshot-bearin’ David. “Who’re the Philistines?” continued the 19-year-old Rev, while getting…
Immigrant Song Defending The Bird: I don’t know how The Bird gets away with it. Why hasn’t he been tarred (he’s already got feathers, right?) for what he’s said about illegal aliens? His “Dueling Mormons” article alone, I’m sure, drove the Mexican-haters around here completely crazy (Stephen Lemons, April 5)…
Have you seen the e-mail flying around, allegedly from country star Charlie Daniels? Whats your reaction? The Mexicans Went Down to Georgia Dear Gabacho: I love it. For ustedes readers who don’t know what we’re talking about: In April 2006, one-hit has-been Charlie Daniels posted an essay on his Web…
The lawyers are scurrying inside the Juvenile Court building in Mesa on a recent morning like shoppers on a last-minute run. They move from the appointment counter toward their courtrooms, lugging briefcases and working BlackBerries, faces scrunched up in multitasking concentration. Small groups are milling outside the eight courtrooms, waiting…
Let it all hang out: Rusty’s pic labeled “Jamaica Hedonism.” Prejudiced playboy Rusty Childress is one complex fella. Every Thursday he welcomes fellow wackjobs to his anti-Mexican fiestas, like the ones described in this week’s Bird column, the item titled “Bigot Bash.” The putative Republican (if you judge him by…
Amparo’s birthday suit: boots, gloves, hat, and little else. (photo by Bala Raman) Tuesday’s beauty is the limber and lovely Amparo Elizabeth, who hails from Honduras originally, but was raised in the Zona and has been modeling since age nine. This exotic enchantress boasts Spanish blood, her first name meaning…
Barry “Naw, I aint” Young, KFYI’s pie-faced horse’s patootie. Anyone who’s ever read stroke-mag Hustler knows of a feature called “Asshole of the Month,” wherein politicians, ideologues and media types are skewered. I’m thinking of starting a version called “PHX A-hole of the Week,” to honor P-town butt-holes deserving of…
Steve Haworth, Jr. (left) with his dad, fetish king Steve Haworth, Sr. (right). UPDATE: MEMORIAL SERVICES FOR STEVEN ARTHUR HAWORTH, JR. WILL BE THIS SATURDAY APRIL 21, 1:30 PM AT LINCOLN HEIGHTS CHRISTIAN CHURCH 2121 EAST LINCOLN DRIVE, PHOENIX, AZ 85016 FOR MORE INFO., PLEASE CHECK HAWORTH’S MYSPACE MEMORIAL PAGE…
One of Imus’ old albums being sold on eBay: Pretty much says it all… ***UPDATE: Since the posting of this commentary, the Associated Press has reported that CBS radio has fired Don Imus, this coming on the heels of MSNBC’s suspension of their simulcast of his show. This is the…
Sofiane Laimeche isn’t a terrorist. Says he never has been. Doesn’t know any, either. True, U.S. authorities think his friend from boyhood, Lotfi Raissi, may have been a key player in the September 11, 2001, attacks. But the terrorist accusations against Raissi, the first person in the world arrested in…
On the morning of April 5, a pale and paunchy middle-aged man wearing a black-and-white-striped jail outfit stood before county Judge Brian Ishikawa. The courtroom was empty but for court personnel, a prosecutor, a defense attorney, the case investigator, a reporter, and Robert Shawn Owens, who was the pasty-faced guy…
What´s Sweet is sickening Harsh but true: Your “My Super Sweet Six” cover story was deliciously mean. Yet right on the money. Kudos to the author (Robrt L. Pela, March 29). I think these rich parents need to get a life and stop trying to live vicariously through their kids…
I lived here illegally for the first half of my life, so Im very offended when I hear anti-immigrant comments. I especially cant stand “Illegals dont pay taxes, so they shouldnt be here.” When my father applied for residency during the amnesty in the 1980s, part of the requirement was…
One of the few ribbons in town Phil Gordon hasn’t cut… With a handful of reporters and supporters looking on, mayoral hopeful Rev. Jarrett Maupin, the boy-wonder of PHX politics, cut the ribbon on his new campaign office downtown today, promising to “kick Phil’s butt in this election,” and taking…
