Published online April 11, 2006, 1:55 p.m. MST State and federal authorities and the Mormon polygamist sect headquartered along the Arizona-Utah border seem finally headed for a showdown. So far, there have been no reports of violence in the towns of Colorado City, Arizona, and Hildale, Utah, but tensions are…
Chuey the Rock ‘n’ Roll Midget, a.k.a. “The Satanic Hispanic,” scrambles to the middle of the Wheel of Fortune-like board as fast as his little sawed-off legs will carry him and rips down an 8-by-10 pic of tonight’s “secret square,” missing-and-presumed-dead Alabama hottie Natalee Holloway. The four-foot-three, 180-pound horndog then…
Mexican Stand-Off An admirer of Mayor Phil’s: I’ve been reading The Bird lately, and I see that he seems to have some sort of sympathy for the illegal Mexican idiots who’ve been marching in Phoenix (“Single-File, Please!”, April 6. Also see “Go On, Just Shoot ‘Em”). I was at the…
For Margarita Parada, a 19-year-old from a village deep in Mexico, the adventure of a lifetime is about to start. It is April 11, 2005, and Margarita has stuffed a suitcase and her backpack with favorite clothes and personal mementos. Margarita is the second youngest of Maria and Pablo Parada’s…
After Diff’rent Strokes was canceled, The Bird gave up on sitcoms as a diversion. Fortunately, this squawker lives in Phoenix, where politicians provide almost endless yuks with their foolhardy antics, so who needs TV? The Bird’s new laugh riot came from none other than Mayor Phil Gordon, who announced his…
Carrie Stoudemire, the mother of sidelined Phoenix Suns star Amaré Stoudemire, narrowly avoided jail during a hastily called March 31 hearing before Maricopa County Superior Court Commissioner Aimee Anderson. Stoudemire had violated several conditions of her five-year probation on a 2003 felony DUI conviction. But rather than toss Stoudemire in…
“What the hell is Britpop, anyway, Kreme?” queries the Jettster as I ease the shaggin’ wagon into the lot next to Anderson’s Fifth Estate in Scottsdale, site of the monthly Britpop night Panic!, the reason for our appearance this eve. “Oh, you know, it’s all those ’90s bands from the…
Mother of a Problem Adding insult to injury: Good story on Amaré Stoudemire’s mother (“Amaré’s Burden,” John Dougherty, March 30)! No wonder Amaré isn’t mentally ready to come back to the Phoenix Suns and kick ass. Family problems like that can be debilitating. Even though he has his millions of…
Look Out Above Livestock and laughingstocks: I hadn’t picked up New Times much in several years until I grabbed one late last year and saw your column The Bird. At that time, I think The Bird was writing about Donald Trump’s wanting to build a high-rise at 24th and Camelback,…
By now, even the casual professional basketball fan knows that Amaré Stoudemire is making a very risky comeback from October 11 surgery on his left knee. Eight days after signing a $73-million, five-year contract extension, the Phoenix Suns superstar underwent the tricky “microfracture” procedure that has ended the careers of…
Good help’s hard to find, it seems, particularly at the Maricopa County Department of Public Health. Now, The Bird’s always considered “Public Health” an oxymoron, so this inquisitive quail’s eyebrow arched a few months ago when word began to spread that not all was right with Jacquelynn Meeks, the department’s…
A federal jury awarded $9 million to the family and estate of a 33-year-old man who died after Maricopa County detention officers improperly strapped him in a restraint chair inside a county jail. Mentally retarded and high on methamphetamine, Charles Agster III was forcibly placed in the chair inside the…
It used to be that when they talked about meth, they talked about cold medicine. Politicians from Arizona Attorney General Terry Goddard to State Representative Tom O’Halleran — a Sedona Republican and former cop — were convinced that if this state could only cut the supply of the ingredients used…
House of cards. Since homebuilding is the state’s main economic engine — and since a home is the biggest investment that most local families will make — you might assume Arizona government officials take great pains to make sure construction here is done right. You’d be wrong. The state Legislature…
In 2003, when J.D. Power and Associates released its annual survey of new home buyers’ “customer satisfaction,” buyers in Phoenix topped the list — a fact the Home Builders Association of Central Arizona was quick to tout whenever anyone questioned the quality of construction in Arizona. But in 2004, Phoenix…
This just in from the How Stupid Is Andy Thomas Department: Everybody’s favorite local race-baiter had a pile of angry motions filed against him the other day from at least four Phoenix defense lawyers, who argued that the Maricopa County Attorney unintentionally disqualified his staff from prosecuting Superior Court cases…
Paco Paco might’ve been a drive-thru likker store back in the day. Something about the slanted roof, pointy lit-up sign, and the way the squat structure juts out to the south of Earll Drive on 16th Street with a little driveway off to the side. Whatever its original use, it’s…
Wool Power Just give him time: Jeez, way to go in turning the story of that Mesa fire chief guy and the lamb into a justified slam on Sheriff Joe Arpaio (“Baa-aaaaad News,” The Bird, Robrt L. Pela, March 16)! The foul fowl is such a funny writer! Even though…
Inspectors at the Arizona Registrar of Contractors get stuck dealing with bad homes after they’re built — when it’s too late to fix big problems easily. Homes under construction, however, are supervised by a different group: municipal building departments. And if you thought the state inspectors were busy — they…
Shari Wilson’s house is falling apart at the seams. And her life isn’t so great, either. You’d never know it to look at her. At 32, Wilson has the wholesome good looks of a sitcom mom. Juggling 3-month-old Teagen in her kitchen in suburban Surprise, she might be starring in…
Firefighters! You gotta love ’em. They save lives, they put out fires, they make a nice pot of chili. And one of them tried to bone a sheep, too. Now, The Bird tried desperately to fly above this story, which the Arizona Republic played straight (natch) in two tiny, buried…
How would you like to sit inside a federal courtroom for seven weeks watching a grainy videotape repeatedly document the final moments of your mentally ill son’s life inside one of Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s county jails? What would go through your mind as you saw the jailhouse video of Arpaio’s…
