www.southparkstudios.com Towlie wants to know what you like to do when you hitta da bong… It’s Friday, and that means it’s time for my first ever Friday Top Ten, in which I’ll poll the New Times staff on a subject, post that bitch, and ask you, the vast New Times…
Coming soon to a chick’s loo near you… As Ray Davies sang so long ago, “Girls will be boys and boys will be girls/ It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up world…” And indeed, some in the Valley’s pre-op community are determined to pee standing up at Anderson’s Fifth…
If Biltmore Fashion Park’s lookin’ paler than normal — whiter even than the line at a NASCAR concession stand — this bilious blackbird can tell ya why. Seems the swank, Vegasy restaurant-bar-nightclub io, which catered mostly to an upscale African-American crowd, has been kicked to the curb by AZ mall…
Runaway Train Hate to say we told you so, but . . . : Ray Stern’s “Stop Your Railing!” article (December 28) did everything expected of a New Times exposé. It showed the good, the bad and even the structurally ugly specifics of a very visible regional situation. However, as…
Why do non-Mexicans consider it a compliment when they tell Mexicans they don’t look Mexican? I am 100 percent Mexican — 5’7″, with black hair, brown eyes and olive skin — and ever since I left my hometown of El Paso, I’ve been subject to this backhanded compliment. No Soy…
Valley business mogul Karl Eller was well aware that Bill Bidwill was a chronic loser when he began courting him in 1987 to bring his football team to Arizona. “Who didn’t know?” Eller asks. “In pro football, your record is there for everyone to see. And the Cardinals have had…
Is that Gary Busey in The Buddy Holly Story? Nah, it’s Ankarlo, happy as a pig in a turd pond after lickin’ Arpaio’s wingtips. So the Mormon-owned 92.3 FM KTAR didn’t waste much time showing the world what they’re all about with their new FM frequency by planting their premium…
More hot nurses that CNA copped from the U.K.’s Sun tabloid. Anyone doubting the Heart Attack Grill’s triumphant victory over the forces of political correctness as led by the speech police at the Maryland-based Center for Nursing Advocacy should check out the updates at HAG’s website. The page touts recent…
A common bedbug, Cimex lectularius, perhaps munchin’ out on Alison Trainer’s ass? When I first read this story online, I thought it said that Oprah got bedbugs from Paris Hilton. Then I stopped eating my toejam and reread it, “Opera singer sues Hilton claiming bedbugs attacked her.” Seems the opera…
Address Code Selectively enforcing the law: Brilliant tactic to run that embarrassing fool Joe Arpaio’s home address on the front page of New Times (“Joe Strikes Back,” The Bird, Stephen Lemons, December 21). I’ve never laughed so hard as when I saw his bulbous red nose on that stamp. All…
Dear Readers: Bienvenidos to 2007, a year I promise will bring even more Mexicans across our nation’s borders! And a bienvenidos to Salt Lake City Weekly, the latest member of the Mexican’s family (note to weak-kneed publishers: If a rag in Utah can run this column, why can’t yours?). As…
http://www.danacarvey.net/ “Former President Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves. He was delicious.” I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see an ex-Prez get planted. Despite the nonstop eulogizing that has gone on for the last week, the ceaseless yapping about how Ford was a decent guy, and gosh-darnit,…
Yo, Lani, got a last-minute Xmas gift for ya… What pisses me off more than PHX light-rail construction, Mayor Phil “I’m a Pissant” Gordon, and the fact that most P-town restaurants close before 10pm? Answer: Tards who write me letters calling me a cross between Satan and Sasquatch, while using…
Heh, not every gal has one of these… No surprise that this week’s issue of the PHX gay-lesbian rag Echo includes a news story on the feud between Tom Anderson of Anderson’s Fifth Estate and local “diversity activist” Michele De Lafreniere. Nor was it a surprise that Echo essentially echoed…
Fernwood 2Nite’s Barth Gimble (Martin Mull, left) and Jerry Hubbard (Fred Willard, right). Think Greg Patterson’s a fan? How do you know when someone’s brain has been gnawed away by provincialism? I’m not talking about reporting or discussing local events, restaurants, bars, happenings, etc. All of that’s fair game, whether…
It’s six o’clock on a Friday evening, and Dennis Chiesa hasn’t seen a customer in his record shop for more than three hours. The cozy little store, Tracks in Wax, is nestled in an aging strip mall between a hair salon and a psychic, just south of Camelback Road on…
Loan company AHELA
The Mexican is currently inside a trunk trying to sneak back into the United States after the Christmas holiday. Meanwhile, here are some oldies-but-goldies: A friend of mine calls Mexicans “wabs” but, being a menso, doesn’t even know what it means — except that it’s not P.C. What’s it mean?…
Letters to the editor
Talk about The Crying Game! For the past month, Scottsdale club owner Tom Anderson of Anderson’s Fifth Estate and local “diversity activist” Michele De Lafreniere have been engaged in an epic donnybrook of penile proportions. Seems De Lafreniere has been kickin’ up a shit storm after being tossed out of…
Can someone cue Billy Idol’s “Dancing with Myself,” please? This is so amazingly retarded that I couldn’t leave it alone. According this dumbass website, today is Global Orgasm Day, wherein everyone on Earth’s supposed to have an orgasm, think about world peace, and somehow make the world a better place…
Enter Flynt, and the crowd roars, “Lar-ry, Lar-ry!” A spontaneous chant, full of the sort of her0-worship normally reserved for the likes of Jerry Springer or Howard Stern: “Lar-ry, Lar-ry!” That’s how the 200 men and women attending the grand opening of Tempe’s brand-spankin’ new Hustler Hollywood store last night…
