Audio By Carbonatix
Congratulations to the New Times reader who goes by the handle Ross, you are the proud winner of this week’s New Times You Write the Caption contest.
On Friday, we asked readers to provide what they think would be an appropriate caption for the above photo of the Scottsdale Gun Club’s Machine Gun Christmas.
We picked the five best reader captions and put it to a vote.
See all the entries here.
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Ross stole the show with the following:
“‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, we had offed every mouse. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Grabbing my Uzi, I took careful aim, what a rush, it was, to kill flying game. Die, Dasher! Die, Dancer! Die, Prancer and Vixen! Die, Comet! Die, Cupid! Bye bye, Donner and Blitzen! As I drew in my head, and was turning around, down the chimney some illegal came with a bound.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I shot him, in spite of myself! A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know that he soon would be dead. I heard him exclaim, while I watched him expire, ‘but Arpaio assured me, you’d hold your fire!”
Thanks to everyone who played, and congrats again to Ross — to retrieve your grand prize of a firm handshake and a glass of lukewarm Phoenix municipal tap water, come to the New Times Building at 1201 East Jefferson Street in Phoenix. Go to the front desk and ask for James King any time after 1 p.m.
