Jan Brewer Unveils New Plan to Get Rid of Illegal Immigrants (Not Really)
OK, so that’s not really Governor Jan Brewer explaining her new method of getting rid of illegal immigrants, but it’s hilarious…
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Sean Donahoe’s Accused of Punching a Bunch of Children, Knocking One’s Teeth Out
A Scottsdale 10-year-old told police he couldn’t say why he no longer had his two front teeth, because his parents told him it was “their little secret.”Well, secret’s out folks — police say those teeth went missing because his step-dad choked him out and dropped him onto a tile floor.According…
David Schweikert Supporters Go Banana-Hammock Shopping for Ben Quayle
See also: Ben Quayle Accused of SwimmingSee also: Ben Quayle Confirms He Was in the Israeli Lake to “Secure a Jar of Water” Oh boy, the scandal involving Congressman Ben Quayle is getting sexy — so sexy that supporters of his primary opponent went shopping for a floral-print banana hammock…
Umpire Jim Joyce Gives CPR to Diamondbacks Employee, Redeems Himself as a Human Being
Unless you’re a huge follower of Major League Baseball, there’s probably only one reason you’d know the name of umpire Jim Joyce — two seasons ago, he blew a call in the bottom of the ninth inning to deny Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga a perfect game.Joyce later apologized to…
Are You Buying Ben Quayle’s Israeli Lake Story?
See also: Ben Quayle Accused of SwimmingSee also: Ben Quayle Confirms He Was in the Israeli Lake to “Secure a Jar of Water” Congressman Ben Quayle is accused of swimming in a lake in Israel, and possibly witnessing one of his colleagues remove his clothes before jumping in that same…
“Therapist” Paul Fischer Pleads Guilty to Assaulting Patient, Agrees to Stop Pretending He’s a Therapist
See also: Therapist Paul Fischer’s Counseling Session Included Slapping a WomanSee also: Paul Fischer Case Has More Details “Therapist” Paul Fischer — the non-licensed therapist “family and marriage counselor” who assaulted a woman in the middle of a counseling session earlier this year — accepted a plea agreement in Phoenix…
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Arizona State University’s Party-School Reputation Apparently Dead at Age 25
After a 25-year run as one of the nation’s top party schools, Arizona State University’s party-school reputation is likely dead in the eyes of national party-analysts.Just a week after Newsweek gave ASU one of the school’s lowest party rankings of all-time at 24th in the nation, the just-released Princeton Review…
Ben Quayle Confirms He Was in the Israeli Lake to “Secure a Jar of Water”
See also: Ben Quayle Accused of Swimming, Which Is a Scandal or Something The non-scandal involving Congressman Ben Quayle is even less scandalous than it sounds, according to Quayle’s recollection of events.Congressman Kevin Yoder, of Kansas, hopped in naked during a Republican congressional delegation’s trip to Israel last year, and…
Cathi Herrod Unknowingly Tries to Link Republicans to Family Research Council Shooting
No one asked for lobbyist Cathi Herrod’s opinion on the shooting of a security guard at the headquarters of the Family Research Council, but she gave it anyway.Herrod’s the president of the Center for Arizona Policy — one of the Family Research Council’s state-level organizations — and pointed to “heinous…
Glendale Police Answer the Burning Question: Cardinals Fan Shot the Raiders Fan
The Glendale Police Department still hasn’t gotten into a ton of detail about Friday’s shooting outside the University of Phoenix Stadium, but the question the burning question has been answered — the Arizona Cardinals fan shot the Oakland Raiders fan.The shooting occurred in a parking lot outside the stadium while…
Should Arizona Women Have the Right to Go Topless?
See also: Topless Women Will Be Walking Around Phoenix This Weekend As we discovered yesterday, there are women in Arizona who would like the right to stroll around town topless.To illustrate this point, topless women will be walking around downtown Phoenix on Sunday as part of “Go Topless Day,” which…
Topless Women Will Be Walking Around Phoenix This Weekend
Click here for the “Go Topless Day” Phoenix slideshow. Topless women will be walking around downtown Phoenix on Sunday as part of what’s being billed as a protest against gender inequality.”Go Topless Day” apparently exists on an international level, in an effort to make laws about showing woman-boobs and man-boobs…
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Ben Quayle Accused of Swimming, Which Is a Scandal or Something
Republican Congressman Ben Quayle is accused of swimming in a lake.Politico published the story last night, claiming several Republican congressmen jumped in a lake last year in Israel during a trip funded by a pro-Israel lobbyist organization.Congressman Kevin Yoder, of Kansas, hopped in naked. Quayle was in that exact same…
Dirtbag Who Stole From Girl With Cancer Likes Bud Light Lime (Which He Also Stole)
See also: Dirtbags Steal Two Donation Jars With Funds for 7-Year-Old Girl With Cancer One of the dirtbags who stole a donation jar intended for a 7-year-old San Tan Valley girl who has cancer seems to enjoy drinking lime-flavored American beer.That seems to be the case because he was caught…
Oakland Raiders Come to Town, and While Not Entirely Surprising, Someone Did Get Shot
The Oakland Raiders came to town on Friday to play some preseason football against the Arizona Cardinals, and someone got shot.According to Glendale police, a man called police saying he’d “accidentally” shot another man in a parking lot just north of the University of Phoenix stadium, and waited at the…
Arizona Diamondbacks Sweep Minor-Leaguers Known as the Houston Astros
The Arizona Diamondbacks swept the minor-leaguers known as the Houston Astros in a three-game weekend series, The Astros kept it almost-close in one of the games, but the D-backs put up 23 runs over the three games, compared to the Astros’ five…
Should Foreign Hells Angels Be Allowed in the United States?
See also: Hells Angels Sue Feds Over Ban on Members Entering U.S. The Hells Angels Motorcycle Club has filed a lawsuit against several federal agency heads — including Homeland Security Janet Napolitano and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton — claiming the group’s foreign members have been wrongfully banned from entering…
Hells Angels Sue Janet Napolitano and Hillary Clinton Over Ban on Members Entering U.S.
The Hells Angels Motorcycle Club has filed a lawsuit against several federal agency heads, claiming the group’s foreign members have been wrongfully banned from entering the United States.Homeland Security Janet Napolitano, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and U.S. Citizen and Immigration Services Director Alejandro Mayorkas are named as defendants in…
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Arizona Supreme Court: Political Candidates Must Speak English (Dammit)
The Arizona Supreme Court has upheld an age-old law requiring everyone seeking political office in the state be proficient in the English language.To put it in nativist terms, “Speak English, dammit.”Alejandrina Cabrera was trying to run for a city council seat in San Luis — where 88 percent of people…
Street Preacher Claims Religious Persecution at “First Friday,” City of Phoenix Forced to Provide Facts Again
Yet again, someone is complaining that those demons at the City of Phoenix are trampling on their religious rights.And yet again, the city has to explain what actually happened…
Janet Napolitano’s Alleged “Frat House” Leader Suzanne Barr Now on Leave
See also: Janet Napolitano’s Lady-Friends Don’t Like Men, ICE Employee Claims One of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano’s appointees is taking a little break from her job after word got out about a lawsuit accusing her of sexual harassment.Immigration and Customs Enforcement chief of staff Suzanne Barr — an Arizona…
Brian Fortner Pegged by MCSO as Owner of Duffel Bag Full of Kiddie Porn — Because He Left His Driver’s License in It
How could the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office possibly track down the owner of a duffel bag full of kiddie porn that was tossed in a dumpster in the Northwest Valley?In 27-year-old Brian Fortner’s case, investigators probably just had to look at his driver’s license — which he allegedly left in…